last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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