You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
