God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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