i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
