so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize