There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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