I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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