Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
