Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
