Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
