Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize