Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
