Pregnant stripper...not hot.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
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