Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
