New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
