You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
