Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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