My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
