Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
