I think my fart just growled at me.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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