I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I didn't shave. On purpose
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
