the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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