You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
