Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
