we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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