yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
