the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
