i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
