her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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