My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
