If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
