On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
