I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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