It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
