I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize