The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
