gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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