Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
