Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
