Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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