Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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