I didn't shave. On purpose
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
