He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
