Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
