Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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