About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Houston, we have a blender
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
