Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
