Plan B is the new Plan A
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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