do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
