There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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