Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
