yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i wish my penis had a tongue
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
