I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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