You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
