if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
