He kissed a someone with a penis
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
