I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
