my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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