I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
