Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
