omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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