you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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