I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
