Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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