Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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