Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize