im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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