i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize