the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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