I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
