no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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